New Hire

Jos Glencross

Come dressed for your interview in suit, tie,
pencil skirt; uniform grey or black with a modest heel.
Rainbow lanyard because we prize diversity,
but only if you stop pushing your gay agenda, we’re
apolitical, don’t you know? Keep your pronouns in your
email signature where they belong. Join the team
where everyone has an opinion, all voices have a chance
to speak. When you’re asked to, of course. And don’t
count on an acknowledgement or reply within
one business year. What could you have to say anyway?
Your perspective is interesting. Unique. Relegated
to the pile of tokens the company requires we hire.
It won’t make its way into policy for another 10 years.
Things move slowly here. Opinions need to be
bubble wrapped, red taped, softened into
palatable bites for senior leadership. They have small
mouths, don’t you know? And your ideas are
far too radical to eat. Listen kid, I used to be just
like you. All change-the-world attitude. Dismantle
the system from the inside. It’s easy to be idealistic from afar.
Up close, the mechanisms of industry have rusted
with corporate greed, grinding the churn of ideas to a halt.
But maybe you can help. We need your blood to
change things up. Donate it willingly and sign
your contract with a palm of inky red. In a few years
we’ll treat you with basic human decency and revisit
your recommendations. Just try not to drink too much
company coffee or you might get lost in the
burnt-out grinds.