The CEO of Love
(Accessories for sexiness sold separately.)
Is your body a health code violation?
Do snakes lay eggs in-between your toes?
Have you been asked to join the Jean-Paul Sartre
Impersonator Society but you don’t know who the hell he is?
Are you lonely?
If so, put that Whopperito down
and count to a billion.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 16.
Are you a billionaire?
Didn’t think so.
Steve Jobs counted to a billion every day.
Now, I’m not promising
a yellow Lamborghini stuffed with bikini models by tomorrow.
But follow these easy steps and you too will become the CEO of Love.
1). Cackle like Tom Cruise entering a room.
Any room. Including the bathroom.
2). Stop whining. Nobody cares about your “childhood.”
3). Invest in guns and gorilla meat.
4). Mind powers:
Control your mind.
Control her body.
You deserve it.
(This will destroy you.)
Lucas Burkett is trying to vibe with the apocalypse but is failing at it. A couple of years before the pandemic began, Lucas handed out samples at Costco, and a suburban dad once threatened to jump him in the parking lot because Lucas ran out of kefir samples for the patron’s daughter to try. Lucas’ poetry has appeared in Fanzine, Twyckenham Notes, Versification, Clockwise Cat, and other magazines. He lives in Goshen, Indiana, with his wife and their dog. Lucas hopes never to work in retail again. Twitter: @LukacsFor3