The CEO of Love

Lucas Burkett

(Accessories for sexiness sold separately.)

Is your body a health code violation?
Do snakes lay eggs in-between your toes?
Have you been asked to join the Jean-Paul Sartre
Impersonator Society but you don’t know who the hell he is?

Are you lonely?

If so, put that Whopperito down
and count to a billion.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 16.

Are you a billionaire?
Didn’t think so.

Steve Jobs counted to a billion every day.

Now, I’m not promising
a yellow Lamborghini stuffed with bikini models by tomorrow.
But follow these easy steps and you too will become the CEO of Love.
1). Cackle like Tom Cruise entering a room.
Any room. Including the bathroom.
2). Stop whining. Nobody cares about your “childhood.”
3). Invest in guns and gorilla meat.
4). Mind powers:
Control your mind.
Control her body.

You deserve it.

(This will destroy you.)